It’s a funny thing, happiness. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re experiencing it until it’s gone. Life can feel pretty great, and then suddenly, a cloud of sadness, uncertainty, or even shame can roll in, obscuring everything. You might have all the outward signs of a good life, yet feel… well, empty. Arthur C. Brooks, a Harvard professor and columnist for The Atlantic, knows this feeling well. He teaches courses on happiness and co-authored a book with Oprah Winfrey called "Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier." He’s open about his own journey, admitting with a laugh over Zoom, "I’m not naturally a super happy person. I’m trying to figure out how to live my own life best – and I’m a scientist, so I can use my knowledge."
This is a crucial point, isn't it? Happiness isn't just something that happens to us by chance. It takes effort, a conscious practice. So, where do we begin?
Know Your Happiness Profile
Brooks suggests starting by understanding your unique "happiness profile." He uses a system, similar to the PANAS scale, where you rate different emotions – how inspired, anxious, or determined you feel. Based on these ratings, you might fall into categories like "Cheerleader," "Mad Scientist," "Judge," or "Poet." I, perhaps not surprisingly, tend to lean towards the "Poet" category. Romantic, creative, and a certified catastrophist. "All poets are thinkers," Brooks explains, "and they tend to be inwardly critical." I’ve certainly spent my fair share of time spiraling into self-criticism, always bracing for the worst. Brooks’ advice here is simple yet profound: "Stop judging everything, including yourself. Instead of saying 'This coffee is bitter,' try 'This coffee has a bitter taste.' Observe things. Go for a walk in nature without your phone, visit the beach, or witness an act of kindness."
Embrace Your Fears with a Dash of Humor
There’s a quote that pops up everywhere these days, especially on Instagram: "No feeling is final." It’s attributed to the poet Rainer Maria Rilke, and while it might sound a bit cliché, there’s a deep truth to it. It echoes Brooks’ idea of "emotional caffeine" – the concept of replacing one emotion with another to navigate difficult feelings. His friend, actor Rainn Wilson, jokes, "We’re comedians because we’re depressed! You feel better when someone laughs." Humor, it seems, is a powerful tool. My own family understands this; humor is a cornerstone. Whether it’s mimicking my brother with ironic impressions or finding a way to laugh at the absurdities of adulting, actively seeking out what makes us chuckle can genuinely shift our perspective.
The Importance of Being Unhappy
Remember that episode of "Friends" where Phoebe brings a date to a wedding, and he’s just too enthusiastic about everything? It quickly becomes overwhelming, even for Phoebe. It’s funny because that level of unadulterated joy is, frankly, a bit unbelievable. But it also highlights something important: we don't need to be happy 100% of the time. Brooks emphasizes that "without unhappiness, you wouldn't survive, learn, or come up with good ideas." Even if we could avoid unhappiness entirely, it would be a mistake. The secret to a good life, he argues, is accepting our moments of unhappiness so we can learn and grow, and then developing the skills to manage the feelings that arise from them.
Don't Tie Your Self-Worth to a Fixed Goal
Quick question: Have you ever achieved something in your life? Of course, you have. And I’m willing to bet some of those achievements were goals you set for yourself. Goals are good; they give us direction. But Brooks cautions against becoming too fixated on reaching them. He uses a sailing metaphor: "You can go off course at sea, just like on land, and find something more interesting on your journey." The real essence, he suggests, is "progress, progress, progress! That’s what creates action in life."
The Power of Giving
This might seem obvious, but it’s worth repeating: you often get back what you give. Brooks writes about a study that illustrates this point quite clearly...
