Look, I’ll be real with you: My “we can do hard things” era started at 2 AM in a Walmart parking lot, holding a melted Carvel ice cream cake. My kid was screaming because his birthday party got canceled (thanks, COVID), my Honda Odyssey needed new brakes, and I’d just gotten laid off via a Zoom call that somehow still used the “your connection is unstable” notification. I felt like the universe had handed me a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing.
But here’s what I learned in those years of duct-taped solutions and Target runs at midnight: Hard things aren’t obstacles — they’re just life with the volume turned up.
The Stuff No One Talks About (But Should)
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“How do I keep going when everything sucks?”
I used to think resilience was a trait you’re born with — like being double-jointed or hating cilantro. Then I spent a summer painting houses in 90-degree Philly humidity. My boss, a guy named Sal who chewed Nicorette like it was mission-critical, told me: “You don’t ‘find’ grit. You build it like Ikea furniture — awkwardly, with questionable instructions, and always with extra screws leftover.”- What works: Do the next 5-minute thing. Unload the dishwasher. Walk to the mailbox. Tiny wins rewire your brain.
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“What if I’m failing at adulthood?”
Let me show you my 2017 tax return where I accidentally claimed my golden retriever as a dependent. The IRS did not appreciate my creative accounting.- What works: Make a “Dumbass Wins” list. Mine includes “Taught kid to ride bike (after he faceplanted into a hydrangea bush)” and “Didn’t cry during parent-teacher conferences (mostly).” Progress > perfection.
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“How do I stop caring what others think?”
Last year, I wore pajama jeans to a PTA meeting. Not my proudest moment, but you know what? The earth kept spinning. Dunkin’ kept brewing. And I learned: Judgment says more about their inner soundtrack than your outfit choices.- What works: Ask “Will this matter in 5 years?” Spoiler: Your cousin’s opinion on your TikTok dances won’t.
The Kitchen Table Wisdom That Actually Helps
On money stress:
When my emergency fund was literally coins in a Folgers can, I started a “$10 buffer” rule. Every Friday, I’d stash a Hamilton — whether from skipping Starbucks or returning late library books. After 6 months? $260. Not life-changing, but enough to fix a flat tire without panic-googling “how to sell plasma.”
On loneliness:
During my divorce, I’d sit at this retro diner counter in Jersey — the kind with jukeboxes at every booth. The waitress, Dot (78, smoked Pall Malls, called everyone “honey”), once told me: “Connection isn’t about having people. It’s about being a person.” Changed how I small-talked with cashiers, baristas, anyone.
On big decisions:
My mantra? “Flip a coin. Your reaction to the result is your answer.” Tried it when debating whether to quit my stable-but-soul-crushing job. Coin said “stay.” I felt physical dread. So I left. Best panic attack I ever had.
The Unsexy Truth About “Hard Things”
They’re rarely Everest moments. More like:
- Calling the doctor about that weird mole
- Apologizing when you technically weren’t wrong
- Eating vegetables when pizza exists
I once spent 3 hours untangling Christmas lights while listening to my ex-mother-in-law’s voicemails. Felt Sisyphean. But here’s the magic: Completion creates momentum. Those lights? They lit up my kid’s face like Times Square on New Year’s. Worth every second of swearing at fused bulbs.
Your Homework (If You Want It)
Pick one “hard thing” you’ve been avoiding. Mine was scheduling a mammogram (ugh, the paper gowns). Do it before noon tomorrow. Then text a friend two words: “Did it.” No explanations. Just proof you’re capable of more than you think.
Life’s 20 questions don’t come with answer keys. But we’ve all got that scribbled-on, coffee-stained draft in our back pocket. Pull it out. Add to it. Laugh at it sometimes.
And if all else fails? There’s always Carvel cake. Melted or not.