You ever hear that old saying, “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch” and think, “Okay, Grandma, but what does that even mean for my Amazon Prime-addicted life?” Let me tell you—I learned this one the hard way last year. (Spoiler: It involved a trampoline, my 8-year-old’s birthday party, and a very awkward call to my sister-in-law.)
So here’s the scene: My kid begged for a Disneyland trip if he saved half his allowance for 6 months. I promised we’d go. But by month 3, he’s already spending his cash on Roblox skins and explaining to me why virtual light sabers are an “investment.” Cut to me, panicking, thinking “Well maybe Aunt Lisa will loan us her timeshare points…” Guess what? Aunt Lisa’s timeshare was booked solid. We ended up “celebrating” at Chuck E. Cheese with a half-melted ice cream cake. Lesson learned: Chickens (or in this case, Mickey Mouse ears) aren’t real until they’re clucking in your backyard.
But here’s the thing about proverbs—they’re like those IKEA instructions you ignore until you’ve got 3 extra screws and a wobbly shelf. Take “A stitch in time saves nine.” Last summer, I noticed a tiny drip under our kitchen sink. My husband said, “Eh, it’s just a drip.” Fast-forward to Thanksgiving: We’re mopping up a mini Niagara Falls while my mother-in-law lectures us about Home Depot’s emergency plumbing service. That “stitch”? A 10-minute YouTube tutorial and a $2 washer from Ace Hardware.
Why these stick with me:
- They’re survival hacks for adulting. Ever tried assembling a patio umbrella without “Measure twice, cut once” echoing in your head? I have. (RIP that Target patio set.)
- They’re weirdly flexible. My teen rolled her eyes when I told her “The early bird gets the worm” before her SATs… until she got Starbucks’ last pumpkin scone by showing up 15 minutes early. Now she texts me worm emojis unironically.
Oh, and here’s my hot take: The best proverbs come with a side of humble pie. Like that time I smugly quoted “Money doesn’t grow on trees” to my nephew—then Venmo’d him $20 when he caught me buying $18 organic matcha powder at Whole Foods.
Want to actually use these without sounding like a fortune cookie?
- Pair ’em with your own fails. (“I once burned 2 casseroles thinking I could ‘have my cake and eat it too’ by multitasking. Trust me—pick one oven.”)
- Update the metaphor. My version of “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket”? “Don’t bet your vacation fund on Elon Musk’s latest tweet.”
And hey—if all else fails, just laugh at how life keeps proving these sayings right. Last week, my neighbor ignored “Look before you leap” and tried skateboarding downhill while holding her Dunkin’ iced coffee. Let’s just say her latte now doubles as a lawn fertilizer.
What’s your proverb disaster story? Mine’s still unfolding—today’s episode involved ignoring “Slow and steady wins the race” while assembling a Costco gazebo. Spoiler: There’s duct tape involved. Catch you in the chaos.
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P.S. If you take one thing from this: Buy the $2 washer. Always.